Sharing of Secrets
by dillpops
Summary: A distrught Chi-chi attempts suicide after the Cell games and an unlikely saviour reveals some painful truths. One shot.


My first Dragonball Z fic ^^;;; and it's a one shot too! Isn't that special? Anyway, usually I write in other anime/game sections but I've been shadowing this section for quite a while and discovered my love for DBZ fiction, so yay for all you guys! Anyway, I've no clue how medical stuff works so you'll just have to bear with my and don't try any of this at home, it'll just end up bad!  
  
I don't know how many of the things is enough for what she's trying to do or what she's taking so...yeah, I don't know ^^;;;; someone fill me in! Let's get some stuff off peoples chests shall we?  
  
That being said, please enjoy (or endure) my first DBZ fic!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of the characters or any of it! I'm just a fan and a poor penniless writer!  
  
* * *  
  
Chi-chi looked at the bottle of wine in one hand and the pills in the other. This was it. She stared round her bedroom, the sunlight streaming in made it look friendlier than she'd seen it for a long time. Chi-chi smiled, a perfect day to end it all.  
  
Gohan and Goten were safely off to the Zoo less than an hour ago, they wouldn't be due home until at least this afternoon. That gave her almost the whole of the day to get it over and done with. Chi-chi sighed and looked at the letter for them on her dresser, one for each boy.   
  
She hated leaving them like this, but she'd stocked up the fridge and freezer for at least a week and she knew Gohan was a good boy and capable of caring for his brother. He was in high school now. And Goten...he was a good boy too, just like his brother and he cared for Gohan so much that he'd easily adapt to Gohan being his 'mummy' now.  
  
Chi-chi smiled as her eyes rested on a photo of the family, the last one they'd ever had together, but it didn't include Goten so she'd stuck a Polaroid of Goten as a baby in the top corner. So it was a family photo at least. Her boys were so strong, all of them, she felt ashamed she wasn't strong enough for them.  
  
One boy hadn't stayed though. Chi-chi frowned as the thought of her husband sent a wave of sadness through her. It wasn't his fault...she kept telling herself that, it wasn't his fault he had to go, it was the threats to the Earth that made him sure that he didn't have to...couldn't stay on Earth so his family and friends wouldn't be in danger.  
  
Chi-chi looked again at the bottles in her hands and sat down purposely on the bed, dressed in her best clothes, satisfied that she was ready. Shaking out the contents of the pill bottle onto the coverlet, there were more than she'd thought there had been. Good.  
  
She picked up the first two, "Here goes," she muttered, she felt her voice waver as she bit her lip, ignoring it she shoved the pills into her mouth and swallowed them with a swig of the alcohol.  
  
Then she did the same again. And again. And again. Pretty soon she'd finished what she set out to do. She stared at the place of the blanket where her little white friends had been, had they really gone so soon? Apparently the bottle of wine was doing it's job, she stared at her hand sullenly, convinced it was doubling right in front of her.  
  
Who would have thought it would have gone to her head so quick? Not that she'd ever really drank in her entire life...  
  
Pulling back the covers on the bed, she crawled into the warm nest comfortably and rested her head on the pillows, ready to take a nap. Not that she planned to wake up afterwards, after all, who really wanted her there at all?   
  
The boys?...no, they had each other.  
  
Goku's friends?...no, they'd seen her as a banshee set out determined to destroy Goku's life.  
  
She couldn't think of anyone else, her head was fuzzy already from the warmth of the bed and the alcohol. She smiled, she was finally doing something she wanted and it was about to go perfectly. She couldn't really tell how much time was going past but she was about to drop off when;  
  
"Chi-chi?"  
  
Chi-chi's heavy eyes fluttered open and she stared at the door, she couldn't really see straight any more and she was so tired. A figure in the doorway seemed oddly familiar...Black spiky hair and a red tunic, he seemed shocked...and a little transparent, but was that her eyes playing tricks on her? As she stared he became more focused. Definitely tricks she decided.  
  
"Go away" she mumbled and forced herself to turn over, feeling her knee knocking the wine bottle to the floor and hearing a faint smash. It sounded so very far away. She really didn't want to see him.  
  
"What have you done?" he sounded worried  
  
Fat chance, Chi-chi groaned in her head, why didn't he just let her go to sleep? It would be much easier for the both of them.  
  
"Chi-chi?"  
  
"Go away Goku"  
  
Goku. How could this be Goku? He was dead. Gone. Done and dusted. As if she cared...yet something was niggling in the back of her head to say that she was thinking wrong. Goku was dead and yet he was standing over her.  
  
"What have you done, oh god Chi-chi, what have you done?" he sounded like he was getting anxious...she's never heard him like that before...  
  
She felt someone pat her cheek and she pulled away, she couldn't hear properly anymore either. She felt her cheeks lift in a smile as she finally felt her consciousness falling away.  
  
In a vague way, she could make out someone yelling at her and feel some sort of sensation on her cheeks, but, that didn't matter anymore. It was just her and her bed for once. Nothing more.  
  
One shout. And that was it.  
  
* * *  
  
"God damn it woman! If you don't throw that junk up right now, I'll blast your stomach out for good!"   
  
Chi-chi retched as fingers reached down her throat, she couldn't see a thing and someone was screeching at her. She kicked out and felt someone grab her legs and keep them still as the fingers didn't relent on their seeming journey to her gut. Only this voice was screaming bloody murder at her.  
  
She felt her body protest violently at the invader and the fingers were brought out in time as she gagged. Half thrown against a cold rim of what she assumed was a bath, Chi-chi threw up violently, nausea and pain overcoming her drowsiness, she felt wildly disorientated.  
  
Who woke her up? She just wanted to sleep...  
  
Falling back down again after being held up by the violence of her vomiting, she gratefully submitted to the wonderful slumber than began to crawl back to her, back to peace and dreams.  
  
"Oh no you don't!"  
  
She was roughly hauled up again, yelling her protest through her burning throat. She just wanted to sleep. Forcefully hands once again pried her mouth open and again the fingers were applied to her throat, a hand she flew around to wave them off was icily gripped and held as she was tossed again to spill her death wishes out into the tub.  
  
Chi-chi felt awful and the ton of bricks she felt resting on her eyelids didn't help. Why couldn't she just sleep? It was what she wanted!  
  
"Wanna sleep..." she heard someone protest  
  
Was that her? Was that her voice?  
  
"Go to sleep now and I WILL blast you! Now tell me how much more you took!"  
  
Chi-chi felt herself being slumped against the bathtub and, with tremendous will power, brought her lead-weight eyes to focus of the insides she'd tossed up and onto the white perfection she prided herself on being her bathtub.  
  
Her head was agony, it hurt so badly. Again, Chi-chi tried to focus but couldn't. Letting out a strangled groan she fell backwards on to her attacker.  
  
The angry voice yelled again, this time shouting a "Was that it god damn it? And if it wasn't you had better bloody well get the rest of it up too, woman!"  
  
Chi-chi felt no need for fingers this time as, on it's own accord after hearing that command, her stomach freed itself of its invaders as she was propped up painfully again. Getting rid of the last of her hopes for death on the shiny white surface.  
  
And then the hands were gentler. Pulling her back firmly, but less painfully, into a gruff embrace, wiping round her mouth with a wet towel or some cloth as she spat and coughed groggily.  
  
"There" the voice said lowly as she gasped for air through what she thought were lead weights on her lungs "That wasn't so bad now, was it"?  
  
* * *  
  
Chi-chi stirred from a light sleep, and wished she hadn't. She obviously wasn't in the afterlife otherwise her head wouldn't be hurting so much right now. She lay still and tried to assess the damage.  
  
Not too bad, considering. Her head was agony and her ears were roaring slightly, her throat was raw and her stomach felt awful. That wasn't counting the pains she felt in her arms or neck.   
  
Who had stopped her? She could hardly remember anything at all...  
  
Chi-chi groaned and opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light and looked up at the ceiling. It was definitely her ceiling, who could misplace it when she'd looked up at it so many times? She raised her off the pillow a little to look around her room and instantly regretted it. Laying back down quickly she rested it as she contemplated what she had seen.  
  
"I wouldn't try to move just yet or that'll happen every time"  
  
Chi-chi groaned, of all the possible people to rescue her, why was it him?   
  
Vegeta stared impassively and impolitely at her as she turned to look at him without moving her head from it's spot too far. She eyed him cautiously, so it had been him. Strange, she didn't think he'd ever help her when he seemed to be such rivals with her husband.  
  
"Why are you here?" she croaked through her raw throat, ignoring the pain it seemed to cause  
  
Vegeta closed his eyes again before tossing something onto the bed. The pill bottle.  
  
"Let's just say Kakarot decided to pay me a little visit" he growled, folding his arms  
  
Chi-chi stared at the white container and then looked back at the ceiling "But...why didn't you just let me do it?"  
  
Vegeta 'humphed' and spat out "Because you have two brats who would have been like little lost lambs without you. Bulma would have taken them in and then I'd be stuck with those two in my home forever. No. Thank. You"  
  
Chi-chi bit her lip. There was a length of silence in the room, broken only by Chi-chi's breathing and the brief, annoyed grunts Vegeta gave off as he stared around the bedroom she had shared with Goku for so long.  
  
"Why'd you do it woman?"   
  
She jumped and stared at him, knowing exactly what he meant. She looked away quickly.  
  
"Tell me right now and maybe I'll forget you owe me a new set of clothes"  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Woman" he said slowly, and menacingly   
  
"What?" she asked innocently  
  
Vegeta snarled and Chi-chi hid her eyes. He obviously wasn't going to leave before she told him at least one reason. It didn't have to be the truth, she thought.  
  
"I was just having a little wine by myself before taking a nap and lost track of what I was doing" she gritted her teeth  
  
Her companion tapped his foot on the floor impatiently. Not bothering to voice his disgust over such an obviously false lie.   
  
She couldn't hide it, could she? Not anymore, she needed to get it off her chest at least...at least to the one who was least likely to tell anyone of the 'weakness' she was showing.  
  
And she was weak.  
  
Chi-chi said quietly "I just wanted it to end..."  
  
"And leave the brats? How unlike you"  
  
"They don't need me, Goten sees Gohan as his parent anyway" Chi-chi felt sad, very sad, it was as if surviving had uncorked something that she'd been hiding and it was terrible loneliness  
  
Vegeta said nothing, his eyes were closed again, listening, waiting for her to continue.  
  
"I...I felt so...desperate, you know?" she didn't think he did but needed some sort of line tossed between them to make him understand "I'm just so lonely"  
  
"That should be nothing" Vegeta said lowly  
  
"But it is!" Chi-chi propped herself on her arms, regretted it, and laid back down "It is" it wasn't working, her eyes began to blur as her bottled up fears and emotions began to make themselves known  
  
How weak.  
  
"It is, I can't drive, we live all the way up in the mountains next to his Grandfather's house. It's just so sheltered that even now we barely see anyone come near our house or even see a plane fly over. I'm all alone here except for the kids...and Gohan goes off during the day. And they can both fly...maybe if I knew how..." she took a breath "And...it was 'nothing', as you say, it was 'nothing' until he died..."  
  
Vegeta's eyebrow twitched, a motion that seemed to indicate he was vaguely interested now after the whole thing was over. He didn't make any other movement or response and was just sitting in the chair, rocklike.  
  
"It was nothing until he died. The first time anyway" Chi-chi confirmed to herself, "After he left, it was just me; Gohan had been taken by Piccolo and Goku was gone. It didn't really sink in for a while he was gone and since he would be back in a year people thought it wouldn't be that bad for me. But I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, not even sure if I'd see my son or my husband ever again"  
  
She paused, thinking it over in her mind "And even when I did see them again they were half wrecked" she sniffed "And THEN they went off to Namek!" she began to feel her anger stirring, as it always did when she thought about that particular part of her history "And Goku didn't even come back!"  
  
Chi-chi lay on the bed and looked up at the familiar ceiling again "It was horrible. I hated those days, only Gohan was my consolation"  
  
"When is this going to start telling me why you had to try killing yourself, woman?" Vegeta snapped  
  
Chi-chi bolted upright, wished she hadn't, and lay back down with a sigh of "If you don't want to hear..."  
  
"Just get on with it"  
  
"Fine" Chi-chi snapped, the anger that had popped its head up eagerly putting a snap to her town that was familiar to her normal self when annoyed.  
  
"Anyway" she continued "It didn't hit me until...Cell. Yes, they were preparing for Cell. It didn't hit me until them that I was in a futile effort to conceal what had been going on for years" she gulped as a single tear streamed down her cheek  
  
She didn't notice but now Vegeta was watching her carefully, though still as stoic as ever.  
  
"What did you realise?"   
  
"That my husband didn't love me"  
  
There was a broad silence as the words hung in the room eerily. Vegeta said nothing, only crossed his arms.  
  
"Foolishness" he came out with finally, holding his nose up "Woman you really are mad"  
  
Chi-chi coughed and then half choked "Don't try to protect him!" she felt her eyes fill up again and she didn't care anymore "Goku loves everything, he loves me the same amount as someone he's just passed in the street. He loves food more than me, fighting more than me...I am just a person"  
  
"And?"  
  
Chi-chi balled her fists in the cover and pulled herself up painfully, "Do you know how it feels to be a cook? A servant for washing and cleaning? Someone who's just there for bearing children?" she hissed "I have slept in the same bed as someone for years and I realised one night that everything that I felt in my heart was not shared by the heart beating next to me!"  
  
She didn't care she was crying openly to her companion now, even if he did think her weak, this was the first time she'd been able to ever tell anyone and since she knew Vegeta was the last person to be a tattle tale she just kept going.  
  
"So your feelings for him do not change with this realisation?" Vegeta queried, sounding as if he was commenting on nothing more than a piece of dirt  
  
Chi-chi smiled sadly "If they could then they would. It's impossible to ever hate him, even if I would like to beat him to death. I still feel as I did, no matter how much I know or how much I hate him...I still can't stop loving him. He gave me two wonderful boys, he's a hero...just not much of a husband"  
  
Another silence stretched between them.  
  
"That..." Vegeta paused, seemingly as if he was wondering whether to share something with her or not "That you even feel one piece of affection for that clown is probably more powerful than anything else" he said tersely, standing up  
  
"What?" Chi-chi asked  
  
Vegeta stared at her thoughtfully and then said "Saiyan's find some things difficult. Mates are not selected for affection but for breeding and for prestige; the more powerful and influential the female, the more a male is attracted to her...or just feels like he belongs with her. I cannot explain it more than that because I truthfully am not sure of the details" he moved closer to the door "We feel protective, faithful to our women and we often respect and admire them and we will always, always return to them"  
  
Chi-chi pushed a sob into her pillow and wiped her eyes "And...love?"  
  
"Is not for warriors"  
  
At this she just cried harder. Vegeta stared impassively at her and then said softly "Kakarot probably was ignorant of why he came to you, instinct. See it this way woman, he protected you, your family and your friends from harm and obviously feels strongly for you even if it isn't love. He gave you two...as much as I hate to say it, two strong brats and will never leave you. Shouldn't you give him affection for that?"  
  
Chi-chi gulped.  
  
Vegeta turned and made for the door, he'd finished here.  
  
"Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta stopped and looked over his shoulder at the distraught woman in the bed.  
  
"Do you love her?" Chi-chi whispered  
  
He paused, then turned away "I admire her"  
  
Chi-chi sniffed and cried "But she loves you so much. And I know she thinks you return it"  
  
Vegeta said slowly "Even if she is a genius, Bulma, has never been very good at matters of the heart"  
  
And he left.  
  
* * *  
  
Hmmm, even I'm not sure what happened here, and I wrote it! Please review, even to give constructive criticism. This hasn't turned out at all how I planned but I wanted to see what you all thought because it's my first fiction! Yay! Anyway, I think the ending is rather shocking, don't you think? Maybe I could turn it into a full fic? 


End file.
